I am sitting at a health clinic in Byron Bay, Australia with an IV drip in my arm and a strong urge to hide in bed for weeks on end. I feel utterly exhausted and overwhelmed.

My health has been on a steady decline for years, months and weeks.

It’s been a ride to say the least.

17 years ago I made the decision to have breast augmentation surgery. I was 23 years old and felt very insecure in my body. Reflecting back on that time, I can honestly say, that I was extremely naive about making the decision to be cut open and having a toxic set of saline filled silicone bags inserted into the chest wall behind my muscle.

There was not a whole lot of thought put into it, other than looking for a quick fix to feel better about myself, to feel like an actual woman and to feel in control of my power in some way.

A long winded road of being bullied, body shamed and belittled accompanied by a friend’s decision to let me “go first” and pay for my surgery made this one look like a walk in the park. I was so excited.

Off I went and booked my surgery date. Little did I know that I was about to make one of the most detrimental decisions that would impact the quality of my life for decades to come.

In the beginning, I had no issues with the implants. None! My downward spiral began after I had my son, almost 9 years ago.

It started with fatigue, nutritional deficiencies, back pain and headaches.

When I became pregnant with my daughter I knew that my body was in desperate need of help.

I developed preeclampsia and by the end of 40 weeks of being pregnant, my body basically shut down.

The symptoms increased and before I knew it, I was always tired, deadly tired.

I lost a good chunk of my hair, my hormones were going haywire, my joints and muscles were achy and a dull all over body pain accompanied me throughout my days. I also couldn’t seem to loose the last 10 lbs, that felt like 99% fluid retention.

Still, I figured that post natal depletion and stress were to blame for how I felt.

My last blood test was a big wake up call. By May last year my white blood cell count was so low and I was officially diagnosed with neutrophilia, hypothyroidism, chronic fatigue, adrenal exhaustion and heart palpitations/arrhythmia.

My headaches turned into daily migraines and I was extremely sensitive to light, sound and temperature. On a average day, it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest and someone is choking me to the point that I get claustrophobic in my own body.

Fast forward to today, after seeing an array of doctors, specialists and holistic health care providers, I can finally put 1and 1 together.

My implants were the cause of the chronic inflammatory response in addition to post natal depletion and mold illness. Yay!!!

Well, I am happy to report that I have found my explant surgeon and have begun the process to get these toxic bags out.

It was quite a ride to find the right person for the job and this lady is busy!

It was pivotal for me to find a surgeon who believes in Breast Implant Illness and is fully aligned with providing excellent care for her patient’s physical, mental and emotional state.

This includes that she is practically the only plastic surgeon that has perfected her explanation technique to the T and is recognized worldwide. She also does not promote or offer any more breast augmentation surgeries.

Since my surgery date could be months out, I now am concentrating 100% on self care and detoxifying my system as much as possible to get myself ready.

Thank God for my caring husband and beautiful children that not only understand what is happening in mommy’s body, but are here for me throughout this phase of my life.

Aviana will grow up strong, knowing that our bodies as women are absolutely perfect and amazing, just like they come. There is no need to alter and enhance, to hide or walk in shame with what we are given, but to celebrate and embrace the natural wonder of our form entirely and unconditionally.

While I am working out all the details and prepare for the birth of my new self, I’ll leave you with this thought:

“What if being unapologetically ourselves: flawed, imperfect, impermanent and in constant flux opens our world to a whole new opportunity of being. Women being revered and valued as equal and more so: supported and held by their tribe and beyond. What if our daughters would grow up, without searching for the next best way to make themselves feel better or more worthy, but would sit with deep content in the knowing that they are more than enough?”

Endless love to you my sisters and brothers!

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